| There
is no doubt that the giving and receiving of forgiveness is one
of the most precious things in this world. After quarrels,
so often bitterness smoulders like the dying embers of a
fire. We know we should do something to heal hurts, but we
look sideways, waiting for the other person to make the
first move. Wasn't he or she the cause? Aren't we the
offended party?
THE
FIRST STEP
Even if I am the one going around with a dagger in my back,
Christ expects from me a revolutionary response. He asks me
to take the first step towards reconciliation. ‘Moreover
if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him
his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall
hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother’, Matt. 18. 5.
Many put off reconciliation while they wait for the guilty
party to initiate dialogue. The person most responsible for
the grievance, however, may not even recognize that an
offence has been committed, or may not be willing to take
the initiative. Then too, it is often impossible to apportion
blame accurately, since any disagreement has two sides.
Ideally of course, the one who sins should be the one who
makes the first move. Christ taught that if a person on the
way to worship remembers that another has a grievance
against him, he should seek out the offended party and apologise.
‘Therefore, if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and
there remembers that thy brother hath ought against thee;
leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way;
first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer
thy gift’, Matt. 5. 23-24
BEING
CLEAR
Unclear statements, as when someone says, ‘I apologise, if I’ve
done anything wrong’, are inadequate. Christ commands us
to be clear and accurate about admitting sin and facing
faults. ‘I’m sorry I lost my temper’; ‘forgive me
for questioning your motives’; ‘forgive me for calling
you stupid’. Both the offender and the one offended must
be graciously frank with one another. If they can’t be
reconciled then help should be sought from a third party.
The Lord has commissioned us all as Knights of
Reconciliation. If even then the offender won’t
be reconciled, the matter should be brought before the
elders and if necessary the whole church. The testimony and
fellowship of the church will be greatly hindered if an
ongoing bitterness exists between any of its members.
WHY
DID IT TAKE SO LONG?
Seeking to reconcile offended parties requires great discernment
as well as courage and tact, lest we pour fuel on a
smouldering relational fire or introduce tensions where
none existed. We must not wait, however, until friendships
lie in charred ruins at our feet before we pursue
reconciliation. Whether we are the cause, the victim, or a
third party, we cannot afford to look the other way. We
must take the first step! When forgiveness is offered and
received the very trees of the field sing for joy. Friends
smile again. Enemies begin to talk. Church splits are
healed. The sun shines brighter. Satan flees. God is in His
rightful place, life is good. And with the anger gone we
can sleep! As spring breaks out all around us we
ask ourselves, ‘Why did this take us so long?' Behold,
how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell
together in unity’, Ps. 133. 1.
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